Not the worst book she wrote. - Personal reviews of bad romance novels
Apr. 21st, 2009
06:02 am - Not the worst book she wrote.
I admit it, I have no excuse but pure laziness about my lack of posts.
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own.
Author's name: Johanna Lindsey
Title of book: Warrior' woman. I used to like this...someone slap me.
Hero's name: Challen
His eyes colour: Blue, maybe.
Hair colour: He's a blondie
Title/nickname (If any): Shodan I think it's a king or something.
Friends/family: Parents and an uncle.
Reason for living (ie is he avenging the death of a loved one, is he a spy or is just a man-whore?): I'm not sure what his reason for living is. Hunting I guess, he's a leader but other than saying he's the leader I don't remember any actual leadership. Show don't tell.
Heroin's name: Tedra yes this is a sci-fi/romance book.
Her eye colour: It changes, she's got this hand-dandy hair/eye colour changer. But the orginal colour is light aquamarine. No that's not Mary-Sue eye colour, not at all.
Her Hair colour: Same as above but long black tresses.
Title/Nickname (if any): Woman!
Friends: Martha a super duper AI computer. Corth a sex bot that Tedra wants for snuggles.
Reason for living (is she the only virgin left in regency England, or the first woman's activist in Medieval England?)
The last virgin on a sexed up planet that it's law, yes I said law, that a woman can't be a virgin at a certain age... AHAHAHAHAHA! No I didn't make that up, stop looking at me like that. Oh there's a thing where she's trying to save her planet because primitive barbarians have taken over her highly technologically evolved planet. And no it didn't occur to her to go to the planet where the alien's intellect was compared to godlike. That would be just...silly.
An example of why this book is a Bodice ripper (Or just a plain crappy book):
Challen keeps massive feline predators as pets. Think a tiger but bigger. I'm sure no children were eaten in this process.
Tedra is a slave in the book. A sex slave.
Challen is big, like, all over and when they first have sex this ultra tough warrior chick screams. Uh-huh.
Challen's people treat women like men treat women in the Middle East. 1) she can't go out without a male escort. 2) She has to be under the protection of a man. And by that I mean she has to be in the colours of a specific male, other wise she can be taken as a slave. Oh and the males don't bother to go get the woman, because why bother, when you can just get another woman.
All women have to wear harem-dancer type garb, you know see though scarves strung together?
The men..they don't feel emotion, or at least love.
When a woman has to be punished *clears throat* *tries not to burst into laughter* The guy punishes a woman by arousing her then stops just before the moment of climax. AHAHAHAHAHA! Come on! Not once, in the history of their world did a woman figure out she could make herself climax!
In regards to the punishment above, the men have this drink that makes them not feel any arousal. Reverse Viagra. I can see the commercial for it now
Woman 1: I can't keep saying I have a headache.
Woman 2: Why not?
Woman 1: Advil, it works really well and really fast.
Women 3: Have you tried reverse Viagra?
Woman 1&2: What's that?
Woman 3: It's for women who are just too cowardly to say they're just not in the mood.
Tedra likes housework. Apparently what she's been missing all her life was being a housewife/sex salve to an incredibly overbearing jackass who refuses to say the "L" word because emotions are for women. Hey Stephanie Meyer I think I found your inspiration for Bella.
Martha (the incredibly sophisticated AI computer) set this whole thing up. Apparently she knew that Tera got off on being treated like a second class person.
Tedra gets stabbed, Challen goes into berserker mode.
Challen decides he dose feel love.
Best bit in the book? Challen kills a chair because it was adjusting to his size.